Abuse

Report the Abuse August 22, 2018 0 comments

Knowing What’s Wrong: Signs and Symptoms That You’re Dating an Abuser

Coming to terms with the fact that you might be in an abusive situation is never easy. If you aren’t quite certain, it is good to look up signs and symptoms that you are dating an abuser. Today, we are going to be discussing something that may be difficult to
Abuse Signs
Report the Abuse August 8, 2018 0 comments

Tackling the Naysayers: The Fallacy of “It’s not that bad” Mentality

Recovering from abuse is never easy. It is something that can still catch you off guard several years down the road. It is tantamount for your own safety and well-being that you avoid a certain mentality. The mentality that we’re speaking of is the “it’s not that bad” mentality. “It’s
Abuse Recovery
Report the Abuse July 25, 2018 0 comments

Not Always a Significant Other: Others Who Can Put You in an Abusive Relationship

A common misconception that people have about the notion of abusive relationships is that only significant others are capable of putting you in it. Let us clear up that wrong notion today. An abusive relationship, by definition, involves the mistreatment of one person by another in the same unit of
Abuse Abusive Relationship
Report the Abuse July 11, 2018 0 comments

Empowering the Enemy: How You End Up Helping Your Abuser

When you are the recipient of abuse, it is often a bitter pill to swallow that it is we that helped our very abuser. Today, we wanted to talk about how abused people end up helping their abusers. The Abuser People who abuse others often use power and control to
Abuse Abusive Relationship

Abusive Relationship

Report the Abuse July 25, 2018 0 comments

Not Always a Significant Other: Others Who Can Put You in an Abusive Relationship

A common misconception that people have about the notion of abusive relationships is that only significant others are capable of putting you in it. Let us clear up that wrong notion today. An abusive relationship, by definition, involves the mistreatment of one person by another in the same unit of
Abuse Abusive Relationship
Report the Abuse July 11, 2018 0 comments

Empowering the Enemy: How You End Up Helping Your Abuser

When you are the recipient of abuse, it is often a bitter pill to swallow that it is we that helped our very abuser. Today, we wanted to talk about how abused people end up helping their abusers. The Abuser People who abuse others often use power and control to
Abuse Abusive Relationship

Recovery

Report the Abuse August 8, 2018 0 comments

Tackling the Naysayers: The Fallacy of “It’s not that bad” Mentality

Recovering from abuse is never easy. It is something that can still catch you off guard several years down the road. It is tantamount for your own safety and well-being that you avoid a certain mentality. The mentality that we’re speaking of is the “it’s not that bad” mentality. “It’s
Abuse Recovery

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Coming to terms with the fact that you might be in an abusive situation is never easy. If you aren’t quite certain, it is good to look up signs and symptoms that you are dating an abuser. Today, we are going to be discussing something that may be difficult to chew and swallow.

We do hope that you take a rather frank look at the person in your life and ascertain if you are dating someone who is abusive. Here are a few established signs and symptoms:

They Keep You Isolated

An abuser will always keep their victim alone and isolate from everyone that they know. If your significant other takes careful pains to make sure that you are kept away from your friends and family, you just might be dating an abuser.

The difficult thing about this is that they will often try to convince you that it is for your own good. Sally, from Ohio, was completely convinced by her abuser that her friends were all bad influences and that her family never cared for her. This allowed her abuser to be as abusive as he wanted without any fear of anyone finding out.

They Are Extremely Controlling

An abuser needs to feel control in every aspect of their relationship. They completely rob their significant other of any agency in which they can make decisions that are independent of their abuser.

Everything from the way you talk, the way you dress, and even the way you think is something that an abuser will want to take control of. Miguel, from Texas, shared his tale about how his girlfriend demanded access to all his social media accounts and constantly interrogates him about every single minute of their time apart.

They Gaslight You

Gas-lighting happens when someone tries to convince you that you said or did something that you actually did not do. Abusive people often like to keep their victims confused and full of self-doubt.

Abusive people keep their victim feeling guilty and incapable of separating truth from fiction. Kevin, from Chicago, shared the story of his significant other. His boyfriend constantly led him to believe that he was guilty for things that he had never said or done. This kept Kevin at a loss and unable to trust his own memories.

Always Remember

Abuse does not pick genders. Both men and women can become abusive significant others. This is why it is all the more important to make sure that you are aware of the signs and symptoms of abuse so that you have a better chance of determining your present situation.

There are a lot more signs and symptoms that indicate that you are dating an abusive person. What signs and symptoms are you personally aware of?

dating abuse
Image source: bxtrumanhighschool.com
sad-woman

Recovering from abuse is never easy. It is something that can still catch you off guard several years down the road. It is tantamount for your own safety and well-being that you avoid a certain mentality. The mentality that we’re speaking of is the “it’s not that bad” mentality.

“It’s Not That Bad”

People who do not experience abuse and are at a loss at what to say—or are simply too uncomfortable to truly tackle the reality of awful situation tend to compartmentalize it. Their idea of helping an abused person cope is to remind them of the things that they should be thankful for.

While this isn’t bad by itself, this can be quite detrimental to someone who is recovering. Whenever someone tells you that what you’re going through or what you went through “wasn’t that bad” because:

  • You’re still alive
  • There are more worse things in life
  • You never have to see the abuser again
  • At least, that’s over with
  • Know you know better

They effectively imply that the absence of the perpetrator and the abuse should invalidate your pain and your trauma. This mentality is completely dismissive and puts pressure on the abused to “move on” because the bad thing is over. This is not only quite ridiculous but not helpful in the least.

How You Can Help Them

If you have someone in your life that has ever said these words and you are actually good friends with them, it is worth pointing out that they may have just said the wrong thing and not particularly know what it implies.

If you want them to understand or if you want them to help you, here are a few things you can teach them:

Words Matter

Not all abuse is physical. There is abuse that is uses words and only words. If they have ever said “it’s not that bad” to you, teach them about what those words imply and how it affects you. Words have always played a rather large part in recovery.

If they do care about you, they had best realize how strongly words matter and how their mentality can be damaging.

Educate Themselves

This “it’s not that bad” sort of mentality predominately stems from ignorance. Someone who has never been actually abused will be able to tell what it is actually like for someone who is recovering from it. The solution would be to suitably educate themselves about the system of abuse and consider the point of view of the survivor.

Explain the Continued Impact of the Abuse

To help them understand you, it is important to be honest about how the abuse has affected you—or how it has continued to affect your life. Abuse has far reaching consequences which affect mentally, psychological, and even emotional well-being.

Abuse can even bleed into the financial aspect of a person’s life. An abused person is generally kept penniless and is not given any opportunity to access money (even if it is their own). Explain to who you are speaking to about the impact of abuse.

Always Remember

The abused individual is going to need all the help that they can get from those around them. If the people that they are counting on to support them end up being the one to dismiss them, recovery can be set back by years. We hope that today’s discussion helps to avoid this sort of dismissive mentality altogether.

What is your opinion of this mentality? We would certainly love to know.

relationship-problem

A common misconception that people have about the notion of abusive relationships is that only significant others are capable of putting you in it. Let us clear up that wrong notion today.

An abusive relationship, by definition, involves the mistreatment of one person by another in the same unit of acquaintance, familiarity, and yes—relationship. Note how we defined it quite specifically and do not only refer to romantic relationships. This is because it is not only your significant other that is quite capable of putting you into an abusive relationship.

Here are some others:

Family

teddy-shadow

Family members are fully capable of putting you in an abusive relationship. Everyone has their own tale about overly controlling parents, bullying siblings, and even horrific extended families. Family members are usually at the very core of the development of our lives.

It is they who are most around us when we are quite vulnerable that are fully capable of compromising our ability to tell whether something is healthy or abusive. Most people who end up in abusive romantic relationships commonly have had traumatic experiences in their childhood because of family members.

Friends

bullying

Friends are fully capable of putting you in an abusive relationship with them. There are friends that leech off of you, there are friends that manipulate you, and there are those that make you enthralled or beholden to them.

Just because you are not in a romantic relationship with a person that you meet does not mean that they do not have the capability and knowledge of you to overcome your better judgment. There is a reason why peer pressure is an existing blight upon human relationships.

Always Remember

People who care will never put you in a situation where you are uncomfortable or against your will. Just because you aren’t in a romantic situations or relationship with someone in your life does not mean that they cannot manipulate or harm you or put you in an abusive relationship.

There are many others that can drop you into an abusive relationship, who do you think they are?

crying-girl

When you are the recipient of abuse, it is often a bitter pill to swallow that it is we that helped our very abuser. Today, we wanted to talk about how abused people end up helping their abusers.

The Abuser

People who abuse others often use power and control to maintain the upper hand. It is often rather hard to think that the person who is on the receiving end of all that abuse actually does end up helping their abuser to maintain that control.

How the Abused Ends Up Helping Their Abusers

There are a lot of different ways that the abused person ends up helping their abusers. Here are a few ways how:

Maintaining Silence

wearing-hood

Abusive people often perceive silence as consent. If the abused person does not speak out or does not say that they do not like what is happening, the abuser ends up with a perceived green light.

Silence is more than about complaining to them that they’re hurting you.

Not Telling Others

woman-webs

When an abused person keeps the truth of what is happening away from the knowledge of others, they end up empowering their abuser. In most cases where abuse is present, there are a staggering 89% of friends and loved ones who often report that “they didn’t know”.

The veneer of happiness that you put on in order to hide the abuse and lie to people around you that you are fine is the very thing that empowers your abuser to do it again.

Always Remember

We say these things not to accuse. We speak up about the realities that many are often try to avoid. What we want is for people in abusive relationships to understand that they can actually end up helping their abusers. Knowing how they do so is a strong way to begin the process of breaking out of it.

With this in mind, what ways do you think abused persons end up helping or empowering their abusers?